Snape plays a video game
by abbellimenti
Summary: Snape plays a video game against a worthy opponent. Written in 2009. Quick, lighthearted.


"FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING TWAT!" Snape threw his controller at the screen in frustration, which bounced off and hit the power button on his game console.

You see, Snape can be a very bitter man. During the school year, he prides himself on his ability to outwit his students when they get sassy with him. He gets his kicks out of taking away more house points than necessary. However, during the summer time, the only thing that is expected of Snape is to brew potions when it is asked of him. The rest of the time, he needs a place to displace his bitterness towards the world.

That is why, this summer, Snape decided to purchase a Muggle game system. He had heard about how popular a toy they were that even witches and wizards were starting to buy them. In disguise, Snape bought one which game with a free first person shooter game titled, appropriately, _Kill Everything!_

Today though, Snape was down on his luck. He was playing online with other players around the world but it seemed that today, everyone who was actually good at the game decided to play. They were all joining forces, making teams, while Snape was left on the battlefield spinning in a circle with his gun in the air wondering who was shooting at him. He could practically feel his rank number slipping quickly.

After calming down from his little outburst, Snape turned the console back on and returned into the certain game room he had been playing in before. Taking a quick look at the list of who was still in there, he saw that damned name again.

"Lionboy80," Snape muttered with contempt. The number 80 at the end led Snape to believe that it was a child born in the year 1980, as he had learned two digit numbers usually represented. Seeing as it was only the year 1992, it made Snape's blood boil to think that he kept getting sniped by a 12 year old. It seemed that each time he was killed, it was by this child.

Just like now. While Snape was looking at the list of screen names, he was killed instantly. Of course, it was by Lionboy80. Not about to give up again, Snape waited patiently until he was respawned. This time, he wouldn't just try and run away. No, he was going to try to find where Lionboy80 was hiding.

Snape's character was respawned in an area away from the main section of the battlefield. As he crept towards the center, he suddenly saw five different characters fall down and die. Looking to where the gunshots came from, he saw one man crouched on the roof of a building. Snape aimed his gun over it, already knowing what the game would tell him. _Enemy Lionboy80._

Snape wasted no time. He lay down to the ground and crawled along the perimeter of the map. He eventually found the building his enemy was on top of and figured out the back way in, almost hidden to the human eye. Snape's heartbeat raced as he moved closer towards the character and aimed his gun right at his head. He was so exhilarated that he almost started to shake, but reminded himself how close he was to revenge. Slowly, he pressed the fire button.

BAM! Within an instant, the character of Lionboy80 fell on its side, animated blood running out of his head. And there, at the bottom right hand corner of the screen, amidst all of the other listings of recent kills, was what Snape had longed to see. _SEXYPROF KILLED ENEMY LIONBOY80 (HEADSHOT W/ SHOTGUN)_.

Snape was so overcome with joy at his revenge that he leapt up from his leather couch and pointed at the screen. "AHA! TAKE THAT, LIONBOY80! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET! YOU THOUGHT NO ONE WOULD FIND YOU, BUT NO! I DID! AND I KILLED YOU!" He was so caught up that he didn't realize until it was too late that his character had just been killed. _LIONBOY80 KILLED ENEMY SEXYPROF (GRENADE)_.

That was it. This was war. Snape back down into the cushions of his couch with an evil grin on his face.

For the next hour, "SexyProf" and "Lionboy80" chased each other. Lionboy80 knew the map pretty well and found many places to hide, but SexyProf always found him. They ended up fighting where everyone else did, in the main part of the battlefield, which eventually led to them getting into the giant fights that everyone else was involved with. It was the first time Snape was actually having fun playing the game, instead of just screaming at everyone. He stopped caring how much he died.

Snape then realized that he hadn't seen Lionboy80's name appear in a while in the killing list. Had he left? He took a glance at the list of screen names and saw his still there, which made Snape content somehow. But just as soon as he looked away from the list, he saw a message in the top left hand corner. _LIONBOY80 HAS LEFT THE GAME._

It made him slightly sad, somehow, to see him go. Curious, Snape left the room and checked the master list of everyone online in the lobby. His name was still there. Snape opted to send him a message, but couldn't think of what to put in it. Wanting to catch the mysterious player before he signed off, Snape typed, "a/s/l?", a common abbreviation asking for the person's age, sex, and location.

One long minute later, Snape's inbox flashed. The message said, "12/m/somewhere in England. you?" Ignoring the question, he typed back, "You're pretty good for a 12 year old. I live in England too. What's your name?"

"Harry. how old are you again?"

A 12 year old boy in England, with a screen name mentioning a lion. His mind couldn't help but think _Harry Potter_. But no, it couldn't be. This was a muggle system. Though Harry was raised by muggles, he had heard of their mean spirit. They wouldn't let him own a video game system, would they? "I'm not that old, don't you worry. Are you the famed Harry Potter?"

It was a quite a few minutes before the boy answered. "it shouldn't matter, we're just friends playing a game yes? it doesn't matter if i'm someone famous or not. well now my friend who owns this console wants to get online. bye."

Snape dramatically lay down on his couch. "Ten points from Gryffindor," he muttered.


End file.
